On Marriage (in light of Valentine's Day)

“But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but the one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.”- 1 Corinthians 7:32-35

Valentine’s Day for singles seems to be almost torture. Whole aisles in Walmart are overloaded with the color red: they have red heart-shaped boxes of candy, red teddy bears, red valentine hearts, and whatever else red you could possibly imagine. During Valentine’s Day, the world seems to say – “being a couple is great,” yet, to non-couples, “not being a couple stinks.”

Most Christian young adults want to get married. I believe preparation for marriage is not wrong, but beneficial. The topic of marriage should not be taboo among the non-married (or non-coupled, for that matter). What is a good marriage? How can I best prepare myself for that relationship I desire to have one day? Marriage shouldn’t be a thing Christian young adults are afraid to pray about, to ask God for, and to desire. It is the reflection of Christ and the church. It is holy. It is good to want.

However, I think there can be an error in falling into the midset that marriage (and love, romance and couple-hood, for that matter) is all that matters. More important than the question – how can I be a good husband or wife – is how I can be a man or woman of God.

Ecclesiastes talks about times and seasons in life. Just as there is a time to be born and to die, there is a time for love, courtship, and marriage, and there is also time for singleness, purity, and, as the passage in 1st Corinthians talks about, “undistracted devotion to the Lord.” I don’t think that means we should stop thinking about our goals, our dreams, about wanting to be married. Yet there is a danger in becoming discontent and forgetting that God gives single years in our life as a gift. Single years in college are a gift to grow in our relationship with God. They are a time to discover what it means to be a man or woman of God. They are daily practice with interpersonal relationships. They are practice in living on one’s on, in responsibility. They seem to be quite formative on the rest of our lives.

Marriage is important. But it is not the most important thing. The most important thing is to “know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of his sufferings” (Philippians 3:10). Anything else outside of that is “loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.” (Philppians 3:8). That is the most important thing – to know Christ, and know Him best, in whatever state you find yourself in. It is in the single years one can have “undistracted devotion to the Lord.” Let us serve Him, by preparing for marriage, by praying for marriage, by looking forward to marriage (and couplehood), yet not forgetting the now – the chance to know Him undistracted, without having to please a wife or husband, work at a job, wash dishes, or take care of disgruntled children. This is a time where we can know the Lord in a way we won’t be able to the rest of our life. Let’s know Him, and be content – joyous – in the circumstances we have now. Let us seek Him, because we already are in the most fulfilling relationship we can possibly have – a relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.